Welcome to NOT The MotoGP News – our blog by Guy Anderson. Oh – and when you’re done, make sure to go follow Guy... NOT the MotoGP News: Brno Revisited

Welcome to NOT The MotoGP News – our blog by Guy Anderson. Oh – and when you’re done, make sure to go follow Guy on Twitter – @SirGuyGuisborne

It’s a great historical circuit, is Brno. Nonsensically hard to pronounce the more you think about it for so many, it is however reminiscent of John le Carre spy novels, black and white photographs and Eastern European 2-stroke dominance. Once it was exceedingly long and wonderfully fantastic; now it’s just fantastic.

Anywho, onto Moto3.

George Martin managed to totally screw everything up in FP1 when he slid off and broke his wrist, so no pole or 25 points for Jorge. Luckily, Bez was only on the fifth row, so maybe, just maybe Martin could feel something less than agony. Up on pole was Beavis’ alter ego, Cornholio. Yep, we can flog a twist in the name and a tenacious skew-eyed look at anyone. Meanwhile in our second ever appearance of BulegaWatch we found him in 18th. Again. Now he’s either too big for that Moto3 bike, or Rossi and the VR Academy know something we don’t.

Lights out and Cornholio cut the elastic and shot off like the proverbial jack in a box, neatly followed by Moto3 hooligan Rodrigo, who managed to get from 7th to 2nd in less than a lap.

By lap 3 Cornholio was still legging it away but looked to be using his tyres in a vain-glorious attempt to win his home GP. Brave or merely foolish? A meagre pack of 18 (!) barrelled after him with victory in their minds and blood in their hearts. On the same lap at Turn 4 poor old Toba let all the blood rush to his head and he had on heck of an off.

Pre-season favourite and looking like the son of Cal Lowcrutch, Can-it was up to 2nd and in fourth was sun-dodger Nanny McPhee (wow and wonderful!) and the group was catching poor old Cornholio; it’s never easy being at your home GP – you either mis-fire or win. Well at least he got a shed load of air time. By lap 5 he was caught and passed by Can-it. Meanwhile Bez was stuck in 13th and not gaining any advantage over side-lined Martin.

Nearly halfway there, and the front 8 were kicking seven bells of thingy out of each other. Can-it and McPhee were the main two protagonists, but Dennis the Menace Foggia was up to fourth, and Kaiser Phil Oetl was into 4th a lap later. Blimey O’Reilly! One moment McPhee was leading, the next moment he was down in 7th! Fantastic stuff. And the riders kept appearing from nowhere, such as Digi into the lead on lap 10. Seriously you do have to wonder what these guys have for breakfast and what they promise their parents/managers/girlfriends/rival’s girlfriends, and then try their utmost to deliver.

Suffice to say (forsooth) that riders gonna fall. And it was Brit-interest McPhee who went base over apex at turn 14 along with Ramirez who managed to rejoin. Sometimes as mere mortals you do wonder why they rejoin……. Ouch!

Dennis the Menace Foggia was the next guy to have a bash at leading, though somewhat too early in our opinion. Who was then surpassed by Phil The Kaiser Oetl. On the same lap our eagle eyes spotted a certain Bez had sneaked up to 8th. Hang on! Jakub Cornholio was back in the lead. What happened to his tyres going off? Adrenalin eh? Magical stuff. Should sell it you know. Oh, and the train of pain i.e. 20 riders in a line were all hanging in there and all had a serious chance of a podium. Top stuff!

By lap 16 it was obviously going to be a storm of a finish; Bastardsurnametospell was in 7th and Cornholio was still leading with Digi in 2nd. A lap later Basti was 4th! And Bez was 6th. For the love of god, this was exhausting watching, let alone riding!

Great stuff from Digi to take his debut win. See? Taking pole, and leading every or any lap except the last means nothing in Moto3! Phew!

Right Moto2 and it wasn’t going to be as good as that was it? Errrr nope!

Luca Marineboy might have a god-like step brother, but that cuts both ways eh Alex? Anyway, the UK broadcaster had all the lines, especially Double-take Doyle (“He’s got the bloodline”). Hmmmmm……

Danny Kent was in 24th on the grid. It’s not much fun for him at the moment.

Lap 1 saw Alex leading from Marineboy whilst title contender rookie, Mir was off along with Shackle-dragger Remy Gardner and Dutchman, Bo’Selecta at turn 5. Baggy was looking especially racy in a fast way not a hot way, whilst KTM partners Oliveira and Brad the Bad were 4th and 5th.

To spice things up, Cal Lowcrutch mini-me, Fenati, jumped the start and copped a ride through penalty for his troubles. Meanwhile the VR46 Academy Sky-sponsored team looked immaculate; those bikes just look stunning, and to be fair they’re matching the looks with results. Flash gits.

Fenati took his medicine on lap 5 whist Pasini passed Marquez and Oliveira passed Baggy; still all looked interesting. One name missing was Lorenzo Badass – he was AWOL (MIA, or something), but more anon! One lap later and Marini was leading and looking classy, whilst Vierge was up to 4th. We like Xavi a lot, so we bunged a monkey on him. In a colloquialism way. (eh? – Ed).

Somewhat like Moto3, there was a fair bit of lead and place swapping. At last we thought! Oliveira took the lead then Baggy got back in front; this what we want from racing! Yay! Whilst the front 3 swapped places like they were at a Saturday night swinging party, Vierge and Marquez were catching them.

On lap 9 Badass passed Ol’ boy Pasini and Marquez moved into third.

And then fell off. At turn 14. Oh dear.

Alps 10 and 11 had a certain symmetry about them insofar as it was Baggy from Marini from Oliveira for both laps.

Talking of symmetry, Danny Kent did what Alex Marquez did and fell off. But at Turn 3. Oh dear. Again.

A lap later and Badass was into 3rd and the into 2nd. Holi moli…! And the on lap 14 into the lead. This is more like it guys! The front 5 just looked great value, and we had a great race to watch and a great spectacle to enjoy. You don’t see those words often in connection with a Moto2 race do you? Well not written by us bunch of misanthropes.

Lap 16 and Oliveira just looked so calm; you know, like Kent doesn’t. next lap and Marineboy passed Badass for 2nd and Oliveira maintained a slim lead. Then Badass slipped back a further place and Baggy took 3rd.

The last lap was a continuation of the whole race with all of us in the bunker totally bewitched and bewildered – in the end it was Oliveira from Marini from Baggy with Badass in 4th.

And Lowes took Pasini for 9th.

MotoGP couldn’t match those 2 races could it?

Well lap 1 and Rossi led Dovi, Marquez and Lorenzo. That looks good to us! But not for Smith, Bradl and Viñales who all took a tumble at turn 3. Viñales really isn’t having great time. Whilst that shenanigans was being sorted, Dovi took the lead from Rossi. Whilst Marquez got on with the job of attacking Rossi, Lorenzo nipped past Marc. Neat and cheeky, just how we like it down in the bunker. Next lap and Rins logged the fastest lap on his way to Screwfix for paintbrushes. And Marquez was a bit snookered being unable to grab that place back from Lorenzo. What ho? Just who is this Lorenzo fella? Frenchie fella Zarco was having fun with Cool Cal Lowcrutch (damn this autocorrect – Ed), and took him for 6th place. Alors!

By the fifth lap Marquez had sussed Jorge and used his superman powers of concentration to weave a magical line into third. It could only be matter of time eh kids? Well actually it was bloody slow. Like 3 seconds off the pace slow, all the front group line astern and a bit Zzzzzzz…… So Scott decided to crash the useless lump of Mafia metal. Well done fella!

Lap 8 and a miracle happened! Rossi dragged the memory up from deep down where Uccio likes to go and remembered 1st place could be his! Bellisimo! And Lorenzo & Marquez were trading blows (well swapping places really). The increase in excitement caused Rabat (who?) to blow up or just stop. Who knows? Who cares? And that excitrement turned up another notch as Cal slid it past Lorenzo into third.

But then, all our hopes were crashed on the rocks of a tenth title as Rossi slipped back behind Dovi, and then Marquez took the aging Italian. With three quarters of the race down, someone lit the excitement fuse and off we went. We always like a bit of a sprint to the end, and we weren’t to be denied. Cal in third caught Marquez, and started hassling the little bugger. The pace picked up, and a lap later Lorenzo was second. Mad we know, but Lorenzo was back looking like the Spartan again. It’s a daft image, but beats Marquez’s ant-brand.

The last two laps were just Lorenzo and Marquez fighting – Dovi did look safe. It was brilliant and surprising after the donkey pace of 90% of the race. Even more surprising was Lorenzo closing to less than 0.2 sec behind Dovi. And beating Marquez. Phew!

*it was only as we went to save this documents that we realised we’d used the headline before. But being massively lazy and massively “right on” and into saving the environment, we realised it was just recycling and re-using stuff. Innit?